haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
