I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I will pee on everything he values.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
