When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
