I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
