I accidentally had phone sex last night
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
