Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
