Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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