It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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