it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
