whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
