I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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