Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
