Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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