i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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