I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
