She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I did not marry a roomba.
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