Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
