At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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