You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
