guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
