I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
