dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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