Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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