I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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