You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
