My friends, they love my intelligence
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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