i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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