I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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