Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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