I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
