I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
