just tell him i said nine months
My cat gives me a boner
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize