When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
