He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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