He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
