State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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