Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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