the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
