I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
