When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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