Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
