I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
