I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
