Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
