What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
pray to the hookup gods
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
