y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I lost the right to judge tonight
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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