Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
birth control should be required to get into college
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
