So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
