I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
