Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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