I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize