Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
