That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I am one with the molecules
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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