If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
