He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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