The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
