Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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