Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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