Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so let's talk penis.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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