lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
