either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
