I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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