i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
